“I don’t want to join a coat”

Dear mom,

That’s so crazy to hear Hayden is back. Tell the punk I love him, and that I want to hear about his mission. Like, if he was an Assistant to the President.

I’m glad the van didn’t break down on you, though it stinks you had to get new tires. It feels like it was only minutes ago, I was at home, but I can’t imagine possibly going back, at least, not right now. I’ve been loving it hear in Wichita, it’s been trying, but also a huge time of spiritual growth.

It’s fun to see some of the people I knew out west. It’s weird, because according to Sister Mertens, who served out west in the same zone, told me I had changed a lot.

The only thing I could say to it was, “Yeah, I am a prideful punk.”

“You mean was?”

“No, I’m still pretty prideful.”

It’s been the best experience to look from inward to go outward. Still far from perfect, but I’m changing from the beastie I was 5 months ago. Dang, I was prideful.

I’m praying for everyone back home. I see the blessings of reactivating members.  I know if you want to punch Satan in the mouth, all you need to do is open up our mouths and preach the word. Whether or not they don’t know the church, been investigating for several years, or already members but have lost the light, God wants all his children to come, or come back to the light of Christ.

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I’ve been working on consecration and purification. 2 different things. I’m making myself clean and ready for the spirit and claiming a remission of my sins (purification) and dedicating the rest of my life to the service of God and retaining that remission of my sins.

I’m doing a thing called the 40-day missionary fast. This involves actually fasting and praying, then making a list during the fast of things God wants you to change. I have a huge list to consecrate myself. Like 2 pages. I pray every day to not do the behavior or activity and gain strength, and account to the Lord at night. If I failed, I repent and start over. I need to not do it for 40-days. It’s been promised if I do it, my desires will change and I will be in tune so powerfully with the spirit.

All the people we are working with are having serious trials of faith. On the day of my physical fast (we biked all day, like crazy Mormons) we got a text and our investigator told us “Thank you for meeting, but I don’t want to join a coat.”  I’m pretty sure she meant cult, but I could be wrong. I started to feel sick to my stomach, like I was about to hurl. I realized that I didn’t actually feel sick for anything except that I felt the weight of her soul and the preciousness of a child of God.

I want to feel like that every day, because I had never worked so hard in my entire life until I saw someone in the perspective of God and the Savior. No, I’m not being prideful, I’m just saying, God and our Savior will do anything to save the lambs of the fold, who are surrounded by food, but cannot or will not eat.

I hope this week is best week of your entire lives, because I am committing myself to the Lord and this is going to be the best week for me.

Love,

Elder Candland

KWM 2016-2018

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